Ooh, That Smell!

April 26, 2010

I know I’m totally skipping over our wedding festivities … but I’d like to tell you about our mini honeymoon from this weekend. I know, I know … I WILL get to the wedding stuff, but I know that will take a lot of energy that I just don’t have right now. All in good time, my Friends.

Due to the timing of our pregnancy and wedding, we opted to skip a honeymoon right now in effort to save as much vacation time as possible for when the little Fraggle is born in October. However, last week I got a call from an old family friend who wanted to know if we would like to use their beach-side hotel room for the weekend in Treasure Island (in the Tampa Bay/St Petersburg area) at no charge. Naturally, we said, “HELL YA!” and packed our bags for two days in the sun.

Week 15: wasn't the City Boy nice not to include my growing ass in this photo? He's so great!

The hotel was nice, we had a GREAT suite, with an amazing ocean view and they even let us bring little Pieter along for the ride. We were elated!

Please note our "pre-sun complexions". See the eager anticipation on our naive faces?

 

Pieter says, "I love this place!"

Upon waking Saturday morning, we took a few “Look How Excited We Are” photos, picked up new trunks for the Hubby, went to Publix to pick up beer for the City Boy to drink, and then made our way to the pool to enjoy the sunshine. I should also note here that the City Boy harrassed me all morning about the beach. “Ready to go to the beach?” “Why would you want to sit at the pool?” “What time do you want to hit the beach?” On and on he went. But, really … my LOVE of the beach has dwindled in recent years. I mean, YES! I love the beach and the natural beauty, but I do not love the sand, the crowd, the hassle, the salt that lingers on my skin and hair. Plus, I knew I wouldn’t be entering the Gulf to cool down, and thought the promise of nice, clean, HEATED, chlorinated water sounded much more hospitable — so, we went to the pool.

And, there we sat for two hours. The sun was out, the clouds were nowhere to be seen, and there was a constant wind which made you totally forget that it was nearing 90 degrees outside. Right around the two hour mark, I excused myself to use the restroom, and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I froze! Holy cow, Batman! I was BURNT!!

The fact that I may have been a little red was no real concern, because that tends to happen to me from time to time … I’ll get a little red, and the next day have a dark golden tan and everyone is happy. But, this? THIS? This was no “little red”! This was, “that’s gonna hurt” calibre, and it freaked me out because I’ve never really had a true sunburn before. I mean, honestly, usually I don’t even wear sunscreen and all is fine. And here I was, only outside for two measly hours and I looked like the Lobster Girl from Lake Tohopelikega!

Hoping it would die down once we got out of the sun, I suggested that we go grab some lunch. The City Boy was in need of some food to absorb some of the alcohol he had been ingesting all day, and I needed some shade. However, we ended up eating outside on the deck of the Friendly Fisherman Restaurant instead watching the pelicans and being totally disrespected by our waitress. But, the wedge salad was good.

We arrived at the hotel, just in time to take a 3 hour nap, get back up and meet some friends for dinner at Chili’s. Unfortunately, the 3 hour time lapse did nothing but give my skin more time to develop a severe sensitivity to clothing and all things movement-related. Even though I was cursing the sun (and myself for not wearing sunblock), and was terribly embarassed for looking so ridiculous and pained, we had a great time with Marcus and Kelly (who is scheduled to have their first child in just 2 weeks!)

Can you BELIEVE this?!?

This is my "Yes. I am an idiot" expression.

So, needless to say our mini-honeymoon was chock full of memories, but completely void of romance (sorry, City Boy!) Instead, on our drive back home yesterday we received a home remedy tip from the mother of one of our friends. She told us that she had been using this remedy for 50+ years and it works everytime, and that I’d thank her later! So, we tried it. She suggested we rub Fish Oil over the burned areas, then wrap the affected limbs with saran wrap. She promised that within twenty minutes, the burn will subside and the healing will be nearly complete.

And … I tried it.

Is someone having a fish fry around here?

And, I took a nap like this, believe it or not. But I awoke about 2 hours later having involuntary leg spasms (not sure if that is related in any way) and the strongest desire for a shower.

My final verdict on the fish oil/saran wrap idea is … Not Again. Although, it DID temporarily take the sting out of things, I have spent the better part of today trying to ignore the stench radiating from my arms & legs. And? I’m still not able to wear pants of any sort!

I know I’m preaching to the choir for all you folks who have experienced real sun burn before, but this shit HURTS!! It hurts to touch, it hurts to move, it hurts to even think about!

Also, let this be a warning to all you mothers-to-be. When pregnancy books tell you that “pregnant skin” is more sensitive than normal skin, BELIEVE THEM! I whole-heartedly believe that had I not been pregnant I would have survived with nothing more than a little patch of red skin on my shoulders and cheeks. So, lather up the sunscreen, Mama’s!!! It’s soooo worth it!


Week 11

March 22, 2010

Before I get started, I think it’s apparent that this blog has entered “Baby Talk” and “Wedding Chat” and probably won’t cease on these topics until the calendar has made that a possibility.  So, if you’re sick to death of pregnancy blogs (I don’t blame you), you may want to check back in later.  Otherwise, please continue!

On the whole “To LEEP, or Not To LEEP” debate, I’ve made my final decision … no LEEP procedures while there is a bun in the oven.  The risks outweigh the urgency to act if you ask me, and since it’s my body I’m sticking with this decision.  However, just to appease those involved (hi Mom and City Boy!) I’ve got two follow-up appointments this week.  One tomorrow with a new Gyn. Oncologist and one on Thursday with my usual Oncologist. 

Which just brings up another point.  If my past year has taught me anything that is worth passing on, it is this:

1.)     When the doctor tells you that you have abnormal, pre-cancerous cells … don’t just sit around and watch what they do.  Be proactive and get them removed, because if you wait you could end up pregnant and then you’d be in my hot mess.

2.)     Planning a wedding, having a baby, dealing with concepts such as “cancer”, and switching careers (possibly) within a 6 month time frame is over whelming.  Don’t let the colorful, glossy brochures fool you.  There is nothing romantic about puking while brushing your teeth, or purchasing maternity pants and wedding bands on the same day.

3.)     But despite my overall jovialness as of late, I know how lucky I am.  My baby appears to be happy (yay!  11th week started today!), my man is ecstatic about what we’ve done and what we’re doing, and my family and friends are supportive.  I guess I’d feel a little more panicked if the City Boy and I hadn’t already been engaged and planning a wedding when our little surprise came to us … and you know that whole shameful and taboo topic of getting pregnant before you’re married?  I don’t have time for that Jazz.

It seems my only complaint about the timing of it is just that … the timing.  My face has morphed into its “pregnancy look”.  Blemish-ridden skin, my eyes seem to look more “buggy”, I’m carrying more fluid in my cheeks and neck.  My hair has lost its “OOMPH!”  It just sort of hangs there, and won’t hold its usually natural curl for shit.  It’s topics such as this that sort of take the fun out of wedding planning for me, and I’m just ready to get it over with.

Luckily, my dress fits and looks great!  It’s still being worked on (needs about a foot taken off the length) but I have my final fitting in 2 weeks and I can’t wait!!

Also?  I’ve got another ultrasound coming up on April 6th.  It’s a screening for Down Syndrome.  However, if I were to be honest I would tell you that the only reason I’m doing it is for the chance to see that adorable kid again!  In this screening, they’re going to take a little bit of my blood and analyze it.  Then, they’re going to measure the amount of fluid behind the baby’s neck.  Apparently, Downs babies have more fluid present than “normal babies”.  It’s completely non-invasive though.  It’s just a visual measurement, so the accuracy is probably not very reliable.  Like I said, I just want to see the kid.  We really don’t have any of the risk factors for Down Syndrome, and even if our child did have chromosomal abnormalities, it wouldn’t change anything for us.

In the meantime, it’s more crackers and moaning & groaning for me.  I am hopeful that the nausea and overall crappiness will ease up this week.  I have not been a very fun person to live with lately.  And honestly … I’m pretty sick of the couch!  I am ready for some energy and feeling of well being.  This loafing around like a lazy ass is getting quite old.


What do you feed a ravenous bear in your kitchen? Whatever it wants!

March 2, 2010

FREAK OUT MODE!  Are you aware that we are now down to 39 days before we’re going to get married?!?  Thirty-nine days to go … that’s IT!  Hallelujah!  It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a little applied pressure.  Since February 12th (merely 18 days ago) I have survived the following:

  • Settled on a location for the reception
  • Changed mind twice, but finally decided on a location for the ceremony
  • Finalized the guest lists
  • Made (as in DIY, Baby) invitations and mailed them out
  • Arranged for a block of hotel rooms to be reserved for traveling family & friends
  • Decided upon a reverend
  • Booked the photographer (as in: harassed my very patient photographer into changing not only our wedding date – twice, but the time and place, and arranged for a smaller package)
  • OK’ed the purchase of my sister’s bridesmaid dress – she got it for a STEAL at a bridal boutique clearance sale ($20, OMG!)
  • Decided upon a menu
  • Registered at Target (it’s easiest for everyone)
  • Started playing around with a center piece idea that is still in the first stages of planning
  • Began working on a playlist that is sure to be enjoyable by BOTH sides of the families (working with generational as well as genre and racial differences.  A lesser woman may crumble under this pressure, but not I because?  Because?  Well, mainly because I like all kinds of music, as does most of my family, so we’re good to go and it really isn’t as big a challenge as I originally anticipated.)
  • Took my dress in to be altered because my retarded self gained 10 pounds PRIOR to becoming pregnant.  Tsk, Tsk.  A second fitting is scheduled for 2 weeks from now … hopefully we’ll be all set then.

Just now, as I wrote out my list of accomplishments, I began feeling pretty good about myself.  Very proud, actually.  I mean, not only did I get more accomplished in 18 days than in the past 12 MONTHS of wedding planning, but I did it while suffering from pretty intense hormone-induced craziness and nausea.  But, just as I began the internal celebrating, I remembered all that I still have to accomplish:

  • Buy ties for the boys’ suits
  • Finalize vows (we’re going to write our own)
  • Rent tablecloths for the tables
  • Determine layout of reception/ceremony
  • Confirm photographer will shoot us at Krohn’s Conservatory prior to the wedding
  • Finalize centerpieces and decorations
  • Decide on flowers
  • Purchase wedding bands
  • Arrange travel to and from Cincinnati for the nuptials (I would rather drive so we can bring our gifts home with us)
  • Call the usual dog sitter to keep our baby Pieter while we’re away
  • Call the Kenton County Clerk of Court to determine the marriage license process.  I believe there’s a 3-day waiting period, but need to find out for sure
  • Buy shoes
  • Finalize play list
  • Decide what to do with my mop.  (NOTE: While prenatal vitamins do make your hair grow faster and shinier, the pregnancy hormones have STRIPPED my hair of its usual life and fullness.  It just hangs there looking gross)
  • Decide on make-up.  This would normally not even cross my mind until the morning of the wedding, but again – hormones – have left my face looking like a teenager’s … dark purple under-the-skin blemishes.  Blecht.

I’m sure there’s more, but I’m beginning to get sick thinking about all that has to be accomplished in 39 days. 

***

In a pregnancy related note … I started Week 7 yesterday.  This past week has been so nauseating, and not only does my body not tolerate the hormones as well as I had hoped, neither does my usually easy-going personality.  I’m afraid I’ve turned into somewhat of a bitch where the City Boy is concerned.  For some reason, it’s like everything he does makes me feel sick.  When he talks, when he eats, when he moves.  Don’t get me wrong, I WANT him around.  I miss him when he’s at work, or the gym, or in the bathroom … but you wouldn’t know it to see me when he IS around.  I feel so guilty about it. 

Last night I had a dream that he left me … 3 days before the wedding … at our rehearsal dinner.  He took off with a blonde chick, and he apparently felt no remorse for abandoning me and the baby.  He was tired of my antics and didn’t care who knew it.  Sigh. 

I justify my poor behavior because I do at least ACKNOWLEDGE that I’m not being very nice.  I apologize to him almost daily, and he has been GREAT at being patient and understanding.   I bought him a pregnancy book for Fathers-To-Be, and he’s been so cute about reading it and telling me all the little facts he is learning (for example, did you know that the cervix dilates to 10 centimeters during labor?  I know!  What a shocker!!)

What is really stupid about my behavior is that when there is no one physically around to complain to, I usually resort to whining on Facebook, and the women who have already gone through this are incredibly supportive.  Everyone tells me what worked for them to alleviate the nausea … lemonade, Sour Patch Kids candy, peppermint, apples, hot baths, etc.  I’ve tried some of them, but they don’t do anything, and some even make it worse (see: lemonade & Sour Patch Kids).  What I’ve found works the best is Campbell’s Select Harvest soup.  Any flavor.  One bowl of soup and I’m comfortable for about an hour, which is awesome!

Today, I’m experiencing something strange and worrisome though … no nausea and no cramping.  The boob pain is still kicking strong, but I’m all quiet on the abdominal front.  I mean … here it is after 1 in the afternoon, and I’ve been feeling fine all day … that just can’t be right, can it?

I’ve texted with my best friend who works in Labor & Delivery and she says as long as there is no spotting, no bleeding & my boobs still hurt that I’m probably fine.  Just to keep an eye on it for the next day or so.  So, that’s what I’m doing.  I can’t believe I’ve got an entire month to go before I am technically in the clear from miscarriage worries.

The thought of losing this baby now seems so unfair.  A miscarriage in the first two to three weeks?  Sure, that seems more plausible.  But now?  When she’s got her little arm buds and heart chambers forming?  Just when she’s doing so well, and about to form little eyeball sockets?  No fair!  So, we’ll just keep thinking positive thoughts and visualizing our healthy little baby coming to join us in just over 7 months.  I guess that’s all we can do anyway, right?

I’m sorry, but no matter how much I talk about it I just can’t really wrap my brain around the fact that we’ve only got 7 more months of being two people who can do whatever we want.  I can day dream about what I think our life will be like this time next year, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to guess what reality we’ll be faced with.  Plus, living nearly 1,000 miles away from family makes the imagining just THAT much harder.  What will our daily life look like? Drawing a blank here … I can’t even speculate.

Does anyone else have that problem?  It seems that BEFORE I got pregnant, we used to talk all the time about what we think our children will look like.  What their personality will be.  What our life will be like.  But, now that this life is technically already HERE, we just can’t see it yet, I think it’s a bit WRONG to put our expectations on it.  I mean, what if we spend the entire pregnancy picturing our child to look like THIS, and then when it’s not what we expect will we be disappointed?  I don’t know … I just think it’s disrespectful at this point to put our expectations out into the world about a person who already exists.  I just want the baby to be HIMSELF or HERSELF … whatever that may be.  I don’t want to start my parental life by already not accepting my child.

Jeez, could I sound ANY MORE HIPPI-ISH?  Hormones.  Blame it all on the hormones.


Hidden Talents

February 26, 2010

My Dad and Aunt Donna should have their own little wedding planning show on TLC.  They crack me up.  I was in a meeting earlier, but when I came back to my desk I had a missed call from Aunt Donna’s house.   I called back and my dad answered.  Apparently, he had been sitting there with the other hens (Grandma, Aunt Pilar & Aunt Donna) talking about my wedding, and he decided I was making a huge mistake getting married at my mother’s parents’ house.  Here were his points:

a.)    Mid-April?  A horrible time for an outdoor wedding in KY.

  1. There will be no flowers
  2. It could still be snowing
  3. No matter what, the ground will be muddy and people’s shoes & the chairs would mush into the ground
  4. Tracking dirt into the grandparents’ house

(my response to this: “Still snowing in April!?!  What the hell are you people still doing living in a place like that?”  His response: “Because I love it.”  Well folks, guess you can’t argue with that.)

b.)    Parking

  1. Even at Christmas, their driveway doesn’t have enough room for everyone’s car
  2. Their street is only 1-lane, so we can’t park on the street
  3. There is no commercial parking lot nearby to park in

(my response: “Oops.  I hadn’t thought of that.”)

c.)    Distance

  1. It’s inconvenient to drive from the hotel to my grandparents’ (30 miles), and then all the way up to the reception hall (35 miles) within just a few hours.
  2. What about the people from out of town?

(my response: “Yes.  The City Boy made the same point.”)

So, I asked him what his GRAND idea was.  And?  He said I should have the ceremony at the reception hall, and then immediately have the reception and dinner afterward.  His reasons:

Everyone will already be there

  1. Less stress with parking and driving
  2. Since there will be no pretty flowers or trees blooming outside, we can do our pictures beforehand at Devou Park or Krohn’s Conservatory which are just a few minutes away
  3. Will save money on renting chairs, etc. because everything will already be at the hall anyway
  4. No stress over rain or mud or (gulp) snow

At first I resisted the idea because I’ve never been on the inside of the reception hall, and have no idea what we’re working with, but he went on and on about how we can decorate it up, put an arbor together, blah blah blah.  And now?  I’m sold on it.  Even though I really wanted an outdoor wedding (indoor weddings are stuffy and gloomy, I don’t care what you say).

What do you think?  I can’t wait for this wedding planning to end.  Such a roller coaster.  We’ve changed our minds on just about EVERYTHING at least twice so far.  Only 43 days to go … I hate weddings.

***

By the way … Zofran?  I like it, A LOT!! 

My mother called yesterday to check on me, and I was driving home from work at 1:30pm – the nausea took over my entire life this past week.  I started whining (of course) about how miserable I felt, and she started chanting “Call the doctor.  Get some Zofran.  Call the doctor.  Get some Zofran.”

I don’t know why, but I really HATE having to take medicine.  It’s such a hassle.  You have to call the doctor and BEG for it, then deal with waiting in line for the pharmacist, only to forget to take it most of the time.  I hate it.  I hate the entire principle of it!  But, my rant had little effect on my mom.  Her chanting continued.

So once I hung up with her, I called the doctor’s office.  I was expecting a little opposition from the nurse and was gearing up to defend my symptoms and beg for un-nauseated mercy.  But instead she practically gave me a back rub over the phone.  “Sure Honey.  I’ll call it in as soon as we hang up the phone.”  Wow.  I like being in this club.

Four hours later, the City Boy arrived with Zofran (generic version) in hand and within 20 minutes I was feeling like a normal girl again … except for the huge and tender boobs of course.  And amazingly, the meds kept up with me all night and is really just NOW started to wear off.

So, today I’m at work, and am actually being productive.  It feels good to last throughout the day until 4pm before retreating to the pajama pants and the couch at home.  Very good indeed.


How We Got Here

February 23, 2010

Would you like to be caught up?  Because I really want to catch up.  Let’s just take a look back to capture a few dates of recent importance.

January 18th:

Spoke with my Aunt Donna who, quite bluntly told me that I hadn’t done enough planning to pull off a wedding by May 29th.  I hadn’t planned for the fact it was Memorial Day weekend, and there would most likely be no tents, chairs, tables, or dance floors available to rent.  Not to mention some of the unexpected costs I wasn’t planning for.  So, I agreed that she was right.  I had been WAY too relaxed on the Wedding Planning front, and spoke with the City Boy.

We decided to push the wedding back to September 4th.  Labor Day.  Still a 3-day weekend for the convenience of traveling guests, 3 extra months to save and plan, the weather would probably be more stable, and we could figure out more cost-saving ways to put on the show.

February 12th:

After three days of fretting and worrying and flip flopping on the verdict in my head, I went to Wal-Mart and purchased an EPT test kit.  Coming home from the store, I unloaded all the groceries and went to the business of “administering the test”.  And guess what new skill I’ve learned recently?  After years of practice, I finally figured out how to turn a pregnancy test positive!  Apparently, it’s not nearly as difficult as I thought!  Seriously – within SECONDS the infamous second line appeared, and made it very clear that it was staying right there.

I screamed.  I squawked.  I pulled up my pants and called my best friend, then my mom.  I tried reaching the Stud, but he was at work and away from the phone.  I paced.  I couldn’t believe it, and I was so excited!

So, here we are 11 days later.  We started the 6th week of gestation yesterday and have attended one doctor’s appointment.  This week has brought with it some crazy nausea that I wasn’t experiencing until now.  I’ve bought two pregnancy books for me, and one for the father-to-be.  I have turned into a slightly deranged version of myself, and am starting to doubt that I’ll ever be a functioning member of society again!  It seems I just want to moan, and sleep, and think of never eating again.

Oh, and on the wedding front?  We’ve pushed it back up to April 10th.  Which leaves us just 6 weeks to plan and get our butts to KY for our ceremony & reception.  We cut the budget by about 75% (no need for a big fancy wedding when there’s a baby to plan for.  Priorities, People!)  I dropped my dress off yesterday with the seamstress who is going to make a little alteration to make room for my (wowsa!) expanding chest so that I can make it down the aisle without busting anything.  Invitations are going out this week — we’re actually going to make this happen, and SOON! 

We are excited … to say the least.  Today is the City Boy’s 36th birthday and he says that our baby is the perfect present.  As he is out enjoying his birthday jog, I sit in this house … still in my pajama pants from yesterday feeling gassy and gross.  When he returns, I plan to cook him a meal of zucchini squash, spinach salad and broiled salmon … but I intend on eating NONE of it because I am nauseated by the thought.  Guess it’ll be peanut-butter toast for this mama.

What a month!!  What a year this will be.  I just keep thinking that by my birthday in December I’ll be a mother!  I’ll have a 2-month old!  We will have a baby with us at Christmas time!  We will not only file our taxes as Married from now on, but we’ll also have ourselves a little exemption!  Wow.  Just … wow.

So, I’m expecting to be more inspired to write in the coming months, which is good.  Our babe will need documentation of what his/her parents were like before we turned into Mommy and Daddy.

Yippee!!!


Like A Ton Of Bricks

November 3, 2009

I realize now that I have only 50 days left in my current project.  That gives me 50 days to either find a new project or new employment altogether.  While I am not concerned about my ability to find a new project, I am a bit worried about how much I’d make on said new project.  The economy in Florida totally sucks right now, and while there are SOME jobs available to people in my field, they are being offered at a much lower rate of pay than, say, two years ago.  Hell, even last year!

So, this week I resolved to hit the ground running – even though I’ve already blown that, because here it is Tuesday and I’m still just “thinking” about what I’m going to do next.  So, my next plan is to write out all my options, in order of priority and then attack each one.  Even though I’m getting a slightly late start this week, I am confident that this will be finished by week’s end.  And HOPEFULLY I’ll be one step closer to continued income in 2010.

You know what else I realized yesterday?  We only have 6 months and 4 weeks before our scheduled wedding date!  And we still have LOTS of planning to do.  See, when we got engaged in February, I thought it would be stressful being so far away and planning this thing long distance.  But, in fact, the opposite is true.  I am sooo laid back about it that it’s scary!  Turns out, I need someone here with a checklist and clipboard in hand.  I need someone to take an interest and offer ideas.  I need help!!  I hope this doesn’t end up resembling my old tactics during high school and college.  Procrastinate on a writing or economics or psychology project until the night before it’s due, tell myself “it’s Okay.  I work better under pressure”, and turn in a kick ass final product … and all it cost me was 3 Mountain Dews, probably a pack of cigarettes, and a severe lack of sleep. 

Actually, the truth is: I do work better under pressure.  Without having a looming deadline, I lack the proper motivation and passion that most of my to-do items require.  So, since no one else is here to hold me accountable, I’m leaving it to you Internets (don’t you love it when people bestow YOU the responsibility of making sure THEY do the right thing?  It has always bugged me when people did that, but now I can see the appeal) to make sure I complete the following tasks in the month of November:

  • FIND A JOB/PROJECT TO START AFTER CHRISTMAS
  • Finalize guest list, complete with addresses
  • Make and send “Save The Date Cards” to out of town guests
  • Send deposit for Reverend
  • Send deposit for DJ
  • Send deposit for string quartet
  • Determine color and fabric that is necessary for bridesmaid dresses – decide whether to assign a dress or let them choose on their own

See, that really isn’t so bad!  The guest list is almost final – I just need to think realistically about our budget and try to weed out some of the un-necessary guests.  It was so interesting being at my brother’s wedding and realizing that I won’t be able to invite all these people.  It’s sad I guess … but the truth is I want us to have a more intimate wedding.  I don’t WANT long lost cousins and pre-school teachers to be there.  No offense to them, but my new rule is: if you aren’t someone I talk to at least once a year, then you’re probably not that crucial to the event.

What do you think?  Too harsh?

Also, the final reality here is: I may be unemployed as of December 26th … so, this wedding might be MUCH MORE intimate than I even imagine … meaning, some Cheez Whiz over crackers, paper party hats, and a cardboard box dance floor with a boom box for entertainment. 

Actually, now that I think of it, that sounds like fun also! J  It’s all in WHO you are spending the time with, right?


2 Weeks Late

October 27, 2009

You know those days when you wake up in a fog bubble and can’t seem to pop it?  You stumble around all day, figuratively and physical; tripping on objects left on the floor, words you can’t quite assemble into a proper sentence; you try to smile, and maybe you are, but it still feels like you’re still frowning, not fooling anyone.  That has been my year, unfortunately.  Just mucking through every day … yuck!  Not a way I want to be living my life, that’s for sure!  Today is no exception … called in sick to work and here I sit.  Stuck.

It feels like my life has lost its purpose.  I need a job/daily activity that has some significance … that NEEDS my presence … that gives me some sort of excitement about waking up each day.  Because, seriously.  That is soooo lacking right now that most days I don’t even roll out of bed until after 8am and I don’t want to live like this.  I want to jump out of the sack at 5 am ready to start another day!! 

But I honestly feel like the only way that can be possible is if I have some meaningful responsibilities throughout that day.  ugh!  Oh well, it’ll work itself out I suppose.

***

So, the wedding was great two weeks ago!  And to prove it, I have posted the very few pictures that I took while there.  The ceremony went off without a hitch, our green dresses & gold shoes didn’t seem to clash at all which was a huge relief!  The food was great, the beer in the limo was cold, and my Dad cried during his speech (he was the best man).  Really got to me.  The weather could have been a little warmer, but all of us girls in our sleeveless dresses and bare legs pulled through and managed to get through the outdoor photo shoot before the wedding.  Also, something that I really like about how they set things up: (1) no bouquet toss or garter toss for the sake of time and (2) wedding cakes were dispersed on each table as a centerpiece so everyone could cut and serve their own piece.  Saved time and staff members so people could get cake out of the way and get down to the business of “gettin’ down”.

weddingparty

This wasn't taken with my camera. Please excuse the blurriness.

My new sister-in-law’s parents spent a fortune on the wedding.  So, as a result there were a host of long-lost relatives and old babysitters there that I hadn’t seen in probably a decade or more.  Everyone was so happy to see me (and vice versa) and they all wanted to meet the City Boy (of course they did!  He was the only Black person in attendance.)  It felt like 75% of the reception I was introducing him and going through the nicities and small talk that is customary, although I was itching to get out on the dance floor. 

mamscott

My grandmother & her youngest, my Uncle Scott. He's quite the character!

At first, I was thinking “Well, it’s probably good we’re getting all of these introductions out of the way NOW versus at OUR wedding”.  But then, after a few drinks and a little common sense I realized that I wouldn’t be able to invite HALF of these people to our wedding!  So, while everyone was hugging and shaking our hands saying things like, “Congratlations!  We can’t wait to see you again at your wedding”, I was thinking “FAT Chance, Sister!”

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The Bride & Groom, tearing up the dance floor

I don’t have the money to invite everyone we want to … not only that, but I want it to be a fairly intimate wedding.  No hooplah or hullabaloo, no formal “putting on of the airs”.  Just two people who love each other, making a commitment in front of people who love us and will hold us to that commitment when we feel like running the hell away from each other.  Because, believe me – I know that day will come.

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Junior Best Man, Austin! My favorite little brother turned 11 the day after the wedding!

Anyway, it was truly a GREAT weekend, and I think my funk may have sunk lower since we got home because I’ve been feeling more “homesick” than usual.  Some days I feel like I’m just waiting for the go ahead from the City Boy to pack up and move North.  It’s the strangest thing EVER because I’ve lived away from home for 8 years and this is the first time I’ve ever experienced this.  Missing my family?  Psst.  News to me!  But it’s true.

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My Family

To the happy couple: we love you and miss you and know that you will strive to make each other happy, laugh, and better.  Hopefully simultaneously!

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Happily Ever After ...