It Was Only In My Dream

May 17, 2010

I have to tell someone, and even though I know that absolutely NO ONE will want to know the details, I am going to spill them here anyway.  I just woke up (hey!  I’m unemployed, what do you expect?!) from a LONG and strange dream.

Apparently, after attending a routine pregnancy exam AT MY PARENT’S VET’S OFFICE, it is determined that I should undergo a hand amputation.  Somehow, it would be beneficial (and who am I to argue with the veterinarians of Boone County?) to the baby if they removed both my hands via some really cool laser machine, and then re-attach them with about 1/2 inch clipped off the ends of my fingers.  It was very last minute, and a very rushed procedure.  They barely gave me enough time to phone home and let everyone know that I would be needing a ride once I woke back up.

However, when I called my mom she was very evasive and wouldn’t answer the phone.  She just breathed into it, but wouldn’t respond to my yelling and pleading for communication.  Finally, I gave up and just went through with the surgery.  I hoped that someone would start to wonder where I was and come looking for me.

So, I remember very clearly the sensation of having my hands removed by the laser machine.  There was no pain, but LOTS of pressure.  When the laser had made its way completely through my hand, I could feel the sensation of the weight of my palm and fingers simply dropping off.  So weird.  I believe by then the pain medication had kicked in, and I quickly fell asleep afterward.  When I awoke, my hands felt just fine, aside from a very “chapped” feeling on the ends of my fingers, as if I had been handling lots of solvent, or bleach.  The doctors had done an excellent job at re-shaping my fingernails and stitching up my chopped off fingers, and I was highly impressed, even though I still had no idea why this surgery was necessary.

Next thing I know, I realize that I’m not alone in the vet’s office.  My sister, my cousin, my sister’s little tiny baby, and my little brother had ALL undergone the same surgery that day, and we all were coming to at the same time.  There were slight differences in our surgical outcomes, however.  Unfortunately, the doctors made a blunder and had to remove my little brother’s thumbs as well as the tips of his fingers.  My sister’s surgery was identical to mine, although I liked my stitching better, and my cousins seemed less invasive than everyone else’s.  We sat and compared the wounds, the experience as we waited for a ride.

Finally, someone came to get us and took us to a huge party!  It was some sort of Thanksgiving-type holiday party, and they were serving specially made McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches made with turkey sausage, that apparently McDonald’s only sells during the course of this special holiday.  They were supposedly MUCH better quality ingredients in this type of breakfast sandwich.

As my other chopped-up family members and I sat and chatted, I finally got to ask the question: “Why the hell did I just have to get my hands cut off?!?” And, apparently it has been discovered that when you amputate a hand, the regular blood is replaced by a surge of cord blood (as in umbilical cord blood) which eliminates your risk for breast cancer, and is better for your baby.  So … that was the reason for all the havoc.  “But, why then did my baby nephew and little brother have to get the surgery?”  No one seemed to have an answer for that.

And when my dad was angry with my little brother for being sad over the loss of his thumbs I tried to reason with him.  “Dad!  He has LOST HIS THUMBS, and possibly for no reason whatsoever!  Do you have any idea how detrimental that is?  He no longer can play video games!  He has lost his evolutionary edge over all other beasts of the world!”  My dad just got angry with me and started raving, unsympathetically, about what a spoiled kid his son is.  I was dumb-founded.  My poor baby brother!  It’s bad enough to lose your thumbs in a completely un-necessary surgery, but to then come home to an un-sympathetic and angry father?  Unacceptable!

The last part of the dream I was trying to apply Neosporin to all of our hands and fingers.  The ointment was spilling every which way, as if we were trying to remove it from the bottle in a zero gravity environment.  Finally, I just globbed a handful onto everyone’s decrepit hands and instructed them to smooth it on.

When I woke up, my arms and elbows were really cramped, so I’m thinking that my brain created this strange strange scenario in effort to explain the discomfort I was feeling in real life.  Fascinating.  But, I still can’t explain where the McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches came in.  Any theories?

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This Is All About Babies

May 15, 2010

After a week of noticing this odd cramping in my pelvis I was informed yesterday that it was actually my BABY that I was feeling.  I am such an idiot (it seems).  All the books and articles I’ve read kept telling me that it would feel like a “fluttering” or “tapping” … but that is NOT what it feels like.  I guess, if I were to put it in my own words I would say that it feels like there is a little trapped bird inside me that is rolling around a very tight space, and pushing on my insides.  “Fluttering” makes it seem like a delicate sensation that is almost easy to overlook … but in actuality, there is nothing subtle or delicate about it.  It feels like something moving inside of you.  And, if truth be told, it doesn’t necessarily feel good, nor does it exactly hurt. 

My baby likes to do its calisthenics in the late evening hours, so I usually encounter the tumbling in my belly as I’m doing my own tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep at night.  I do enjoy the feeling, and look forward to it each day, but I still think it’s important to NOT mislead the public: the quickening sensation does not feel “good” … just “different”.  I would miss it if it ceased though … and of course, I don’t want it to stop.  Feeling SOMETHING is reassurance that all is well in utero.

In other baby news, we have less than 20 days to go before finding out the gender of this little Doozer, and I am ready to crawl out of my skin in anticipation!  I am also incredibly jealous of Dawn, who someone finagled her way into finding out the gender of her little peanut at FOURTEEN weeks!!  Oh, I don’t think she has any idea how lucky she is.  While I’m stuck in “baby planning pergatory” she has already selected the style to use in her nursery decorating.  Oh, the unfairness!!  But, I guess I should congratulate her instead of wallow in my own misery.  Moving on.

Each day I feel like I’m getting bigger and bigger.  I’ve gained approximately 12 pounds so far in the pregnancy.  But, I just took a few pictures of my profile and my bump isn’t as tell-tale as I suspected.  Odd, isn’t it?  I just appear to be a little more frumpy than usual – not pregnant.  What do you think?

 

In preparation for all the upcoming festivities, I have decided that our baby will grow up with the wholesome entertainment of Jim Henson.  Therefore, I’ve burned the series of Muppet movies, and last week rented the first season of “Fraggle Rock” in preparation.  Oh, how I loved that show as a kid, and now after catching back up with the series I have decided that my kids will love it too (or else!) 🙂  I mean, it’s got all the elements of good kid entertainment – music, colors, funny voices, adventure, and slap stick comedy.  Plus, I just LOVE the creativity of Jim Henson.  Are you with me on this?  Holla if you feel it also!


Ooh, That Smell!

April 26, 2010

I know I’m totally skipping over our wedding festivities … but I’d like to tell you about our mini honeymoon from this weekend. I know, I know … I WILL get to the wedding stuff, but I know that will take a lot of energy that I just don’t have right now. All in good time, my Friends.

Due to the timing of our pregnancy and wedding, we opted to skip a honeymoon right now in effort to save as much vacation time as possible for when the little Fraggle is born in October. However, last week I got a call from an old family friend who wanted to know if we would like to use their beach-side hotel room for the weekend in Treasure Island (in the Tampa Bay/St Petersburg area) at no charge. Naturally, we said, “HELL YA!” and packed our bags for two days in the sun.

Week 15: wasn't the City Boy nice not to include my growing ass in this photo? He's so great!

The hotel was nice, we had a GREAT suite, with an amazing ocean view and they even let us bring little Pieter along for the ride. We were elated!

Please note our "pre-sun complexions". See the eager anticipation on our naive faces?

 

Pieter says, "I love this place!"

Upon waking Saturday morning, we took a few “Look How Excited We Are” photos, picked up new trunks for the Hubby, went to Publix to pick up beer for the City Boy to drink, and then made our way to the pool to enjoy the sunshine. I should also note here that the City Boy harrassed me all morning about the beach. “Ready to go to the beach?” “Why would you want to sit at the pool?” “What time do you want to hit the beach?” On and on he went. But, really … my LOVE of the beach has dwindled in recent years. I mean, YES! I love the beach and the natural beauty, but I do not love the sand, the crowd, the hassle, the salt that lingers on my skin and hair. Plus, I knew I wouldn’t be entering the Gulf to cool down, and thought the promise of nice, clean, HEATED, chlorinated water sounded much more hospitable — so, we went to the pool.

And, there we sat for two hours. The sun was out, the clouds were nowhere to be seen, and there was a constant wind which made you totally forget that it was nearing 90 degrees outside. Right around the two hour mark, I excused myself to use the restroom, and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I froze! Holy cow, Batman! I was BURNT!!

The fact that I may have been a little red was no real concern, because that tends to happen to me from time to time … I’ll get a little red, and the next day have a dark golden tan and everyone is happy. But, this? THIS? This was no “little red”! This was, “that’s gonna hurt” calibre, and it freaked me out because I’ve never really had a true sunburn before. I mean, honestly, usually I don’t even wear sunscreen and all is fine. And here I was, only outside for two measly hours and I looked like the Lobster Girl from Lake Tohopelikega!

Hoping it would die down once we got out of the sun, I suggested that we go grab some lunch. The City Boy was in need of some food to absorb some of the alcohol he had been ingesting all day, and I needed some shade. However, we ended up eating outside on the deck of the Friendly Fisherman Restaurant instead watching the pelicans and being totally disrespected by our waitress. But, the wedge salad was good.

We arrived at the hotel, just in time to take a 3 hour nap, get back up and meet some friends for dinner at Chili’s. Unfortunately, the 3 hour time lapse did nothing but give my skin more time to develop a severe sensitivity to clothing and all things movement-related. Even though I was cursing the sun (and myself for not wearing sunblock), and was terribly embarassed for looking so ridiculous and pained, we had a great time with Marcus and Kelly (who is scheduled to have their first child in just 2 weeks!)

Can you BELIEVE this?!?

This is my "Yes. I am an idiot" expression.

So, needless to say our mini-honeymoon was chock full of memories, but completely void of romance (sorry, City Boy!) Instead, on our drive back home yesterday we received a home remedy tip from the mother of one of our friends. She told us that she had been using this remedy for 50+ years and it works everytime, and that I’d thank her later! So, we tried it. She suggested we rub Fish Oil over the burned areas, then wrap the affected limbs with saran wrap. She promised that within twenty minutes, the burn will subside and the healing will be nearly complete.

And … I tried it.

Is someone having a fish fry around here?

And, I took a nap like this, believe it or not. But I awoke about 2 hours later having involuntary leg spasms (not sure if that is related in any way) and the strongest desire for a shower.

My final verdict on the fish oil/saran wrap idea is … Not Again. Although, it DID temporarily take the sting out of things, I have spent the better part of today trying to ignore the stench radiating from my arms & legs. And? I’m still not able to wear pants of any sort!

I know I’m preaching to the choir for all you folks who have experienced real sun burn before, but this shit HURTS!! It hurts to touch, it hurts to move, it hurts to even think about!

Also, let this be a warning to all you mothers-to-be. When pregnancy books tell you that “pregnant skin” is more sensitive than normal skin, BELIEVE THEM! I whole-heartedly believe that had I not been pregnant I would have survived with nothing more than a little patch of red skin on my shoulders and cheeks. So, lather up the sunscreen, Mama’s!!! It’s soooo worth it!


Dream A Little Dream Of Me

April 21, 2010

Well, all my books and pregnant friends have told me about how tired they were during the first trimester. All they wanted to do was sleep! They couldn’t get enough sleep! I never experienced that. I mean sure – I was sacked out on the couch for most of the day and night during the first trimester, but that was due to feeling like total shit and nothing to do with having any less energy than usual.

Two weeks ago, when my nausea somewhat lifted I felt like a new woman! Until this week. The sleepiness has finally come home to roost! I’ve been taking some crazy long naps whenever possible, and have even increased the amount of sleep I get at night from 9 hours to about 11 hours, but there is still a thirst for more sleep. It’s crazy awesome because the dreams … good Lord, the DREAMS have been so entertaining!

Last night, I had my first dream about the baby and it was so great! In the dream, it turned out we were having a boy! And oddly enough, as soon as we found out the gender, I went into labor. We hadn’t bought a single item for the baby, still hadn’t decided upon a name, and we weren’t even HOME when it happened! We were visiting family when the baby decided to be born. All I remember about the birth is that only the City Boy was present, and it was quick and DRUG FREE! It all happened so fast, and once the baby was born and we were holding him, I thought “Wow. That wasn’t so bad! Why was I doing all that stressing?” Next thing I know, they were shoo’ing us out of the hospital and on our way. When we arrived “home” (wherever that was) it was still just the 3 of us, and I suddenly realized that the baby hadn’t been fed the entire time he had been alive! What kind of mother was I? Definitely not off to the best start, I tried to breast feed him in a panic, only to realize I had no idea what I was really supposed to do. No one even talked to me about this at the hospital! What if he didn’t do it right? What if I didn’t do it right? Panic set in, but in the end all I had to do was pull down my bra and he latched right on like a pro. And, he was SO cute!

The next scene was taking place at a family Christmas party. Both of our families were present, but everyone’s personalities were more intense and severe. We were all excited, but on edge for some reason. I was nervous about letting anyone touch the baby, and it felt like I was constantly worried about feeding him. Then I worried about someone SEEING me feed him, and made a mental note to pick up a Nursing Apron.

The City Boy & I realized half way through the party that we still didn’t have any place for the baby to sleep. So, we hauled ass to some sort of baby supply warehouse and tried to locate a decent basinette … sure, we found some but they were all made of that hard plastic, outdoor playground material. The pressure was mounting as we drove from store to store trying desperately to find a suitable bedding surface for our little bundle of joy.

In the end, I think we just let him sleep in our bed until we went back home to Florida. Really, the most clear parts of the dream were stressing over whether he was getting enough food, chasing away people from touching him, and holding him. I woke up wishing I could fall back asleep and hold him some more. How ridiculous is it that I KNOW the baby in my dreams isn’t really the one that is with me now, but it was so amazing to SEE him, and HOLD him, and BOND with him.

Ugh, five more months of this anxiety! I wish I would have at least remembered what we named him!


Weekend Catch-Up

April 19, 2010

I’m a list maker, as has been discussed more than once … and I stand behind my list making tendencies as I have found that it really does aid in my productivity and overall clarity of what the hell I am trying to accomplish.  But, yesterday I had the misfortune of sitting down with the City Boy to compose what we have now named “The Married List”. (Insert dramatic music here).

As everyone knows, when a couple becomes Husband and Wife, there are arrangements that should be made to insurance policies, and name changes, and combining finances, etc.  But due to the City Boy’s background and PASSION in the investment/insurance realm, his eyes light up with the thought of modifying policies, changing beneficiaries, increasing benefits, etc.  If you ask me, I think he’s just a little too insurance-prone.  I jokingly said yesterday that I’m glad there’s no Breathing Policy clause to add to our life insurance or he’d probably be all over it.  But, I kid.  He’s really not that bad. 

The truth is: I absolutely agree that we need to increase our policies (especially for the wee one), change the beneficiaries and start getting serious about our Wills and retirement accounts.  Especially with all we’ve got going on right now, it is easy to ignore our long term goals in effort to attack the short term stack that is staring us in the face (Hello, Baby!).  So, I was more than happy to have the conversation.  We made our list, decided which were the higher priority items, and then I stopped the flow of conversation dead in its tracks!  “Enough death talk!  Enough negativity!  Let’s focus now on paint colors!!”

So, that’s what we did … after just a slight argument on the importance of our Married List.  I had gone to Sherwin Williams yesterday afternoon to pick up some sample cards for painting the house, and after deciding how we’d spend each other’s death benefit (I KNOW!  Morbid, isn’t it?!?) we plotted the colors in the house we would LIVE in together.  Doesn’t that just have a much nicer ring to it?

Afterward we went to the grocery store, watched a movie and then watched the Orlando Magic beat the Charlotte Whoever-They-Are in their first series of the NBA Play-Offs.  I don’t like watching the regular season games, but once there’s something at stake I really like to watch how our boys do.  And our team this year is doing pretty well!  Next year I’d like to see a game in person though … I guess we need to start thinking about babysitters!

***

In pregnancy news, I started the fifteenth week today.  Lately, by mid-afternoon my good mood and lifted spirits begin to wane and the sleepiness settles in.  But the nausea has become less and less of a thorn in my side throughout the day, which is a tremendous milestone!  However, now that I’m not wishing for death on a constant basis, I worry that something is wrong.  And, I know!  I’ve read enough of the pregnancy articles and books to know that this is totally normal during the start of the second trimester.

I’m seriously considering the purchase of an At Home Doppler system to keep an ear to the baby’s heart beat.  But, that’s crazy isn’t it?

OH MY HEAVENS!  I had an ultrasound two weeks ago and totally didn’t post the new picture of the World’s Cutest Baby!  What the hell am I thinking?

Look at my little angel?! She's just kickin' back - hands on her head, enjoying her day!

***

Total Random Thing: I somehow managed to Netflix the debut movie for both Owen and Luke Wilson over the weekend.  It is called “Bottle Rocket” and was released in 1996.  Is it a good movie?  No.  Are there some interesting comedic elements to the flick?  Sure.  Would I recommend it to anyone?  Um, nah.  It was just a goofy movie with both brothers.  They both look very young, and if you’re ever really bored and are looking for a nice movie to fall asleep to, I think this is what you’re looking for.  Enjoy!


Week 11

March 22, 2010

Before I get started, I think it’s apparent that this blog has entered “Baby Talk” and “Wedding Chat” and probably won’t cease on these topics until the calendar has made that a possibility.  So, if you’re sick to death of pregnancy blogs (I don’t blame you), you may want to check back in later.  Otherwise, please continue!

On the whole “To LEEP, or Not To LEEP” debate, I’ve made my final decision … no LEEP procedures while there is a bun in the oven.  The risks outweigh the urgency to act if you ask me, and since it’s my body I’m sticking with this decision.  However, just to appease those involved (hi Mom and City Boy!) I’ve got two follow-up appointments this week.  One tomorrow with a new Gyn. Oncologist and one on Thursday with my usual Oncologist. 

Which just brings up another point.  If my past year has taught me anything that is worth passing on, it is this:

1.)     When the doctor tells you that you have abnormal, pre-cancerous cells … don’t just sit around and watch what they do.  Be proactive and get them removed, because if you wait you could end up pregnant and then you’d be in my hot mess.

2.)     Planning a wedding, having a baby, dealing with concepts such as “cancer”, and switching careers (possibly) within a 6 month time frame is over whelming.  Don’t let the colorful, glossy brochures fool you.  There is nothing romantic about puking while brushing your teeth, or purchasing maternity pants and wedding bands on the same day.

3.)     But despite my overall jovialness as of late, I know how lucky I am.  My baby appears to be happy (yay!  11th week started today!), my man is ecstatic about what we’ve done and what we’re doing, and my family and friends are supportive.  I guess I’d feel a little more panicked if the City Boy and I hadn’t already been engaged and planning a wedding when our little surprise came to us … and you know that whole shameful and taboo topic of getting pregnant before you’re married?  I don’t have time for that Jazz.

It seems my only complaint about the timing of it is just that … the timing.  My face has morphed into its “pregnancy look”.  Blemish-ridden skin, my eyes seem to look more “buggy”, I’m carrying more fluid in my cheeks and neck.  My hair has lost its “OOMPH!”  It just sort of hangs there, and won’t hold its usually natural curl for shit.  It’s topics such as this that sort of take the fun out of wedding planning for me, and I’m just ready to get it over with.

Luckily, my dress fits and looks great!  It’s still being worked on (needs about a foot taken off the length) but I have my final fitting in 2 weeks and I can’t wait!!

Also?  I’ve got another ultrasound coming up on April 6th.  It’s a screening for Down Syndrome.  However, if I were to be honest I would tell you that the only reason I’m doing it is for the chance to see that adorable kid again!  In this screening, they’re going to take a little bit of my blood and analyze it.  Then, they’re going to measure the amount of fluid behind the baby’s neck.  Apparently, Downs babies have more fluid present than “normal babies”.  It’s completely non-invasive though.  It’s just a visual measurement, so the accuracy is probably not very reliable.  Like I said, I just want to see the kid.  We really don’t have any of the risk factors for Down Syndrome, and even if our child did have chromosomal abnormalities, it wouldn’t change anything for us.

In the meantime, it’s more crackers and moaning & groaning for me.  I am hopeful that the nausea and overall crappiness will ease up this week.  I have not been a very fun person to live with lately.  And honestly … I’m pretty sick of the couch!  I am ready for some energy and feeling of well being.  This loafing around like a lazy ass is getting quite old.


First Ultrasound

March 16, 2010

It seems there’s always bad news to accompany the good nowadays, am I right?  And since I am bursting at the seams to share this beautiful and sad news, here is goes.

This morning was my first scheduled ultrasound.  We just closed on Week 9 and are beginning Week 10 in pregnancy one, and I’ve been sick as a dog.  Well, sick as a dog that isn’t exactly throwing up but is instead manifesting her sickness through a combination of food aversion, anxiety attack, depression, and all around lazy bitchiness.  I’m hot – then I’m cold.  I’m sorry – then I’m mean.  I’m happy – then I’m sad.  Poor City Boy … I don’t even like putting up with myself for crying out loud!  I honestly don’t know how he can stand it!!

Knowing the big ultrasound was scheduled for today, I naturally began having bad dreams about a week ago that the baby has died.  I imagined laying on the exam table and the tech not being able to find the baby.  No heart beat.  At the time it seemed like an omen.  So, I started sinking into a funk, telling myself that I am silly to think I could have a baby.  “Not ME!  Why am I getting my hopes up?  Don’t I know that babies are for OTHER people?!?”  And so it went until I had driven myself into such despair that I remained in my pajamas, on the couch from Saturday night until Monday late afternoon.  Wallowing in self pity and impending doom.

This morning, I tried to keep calm.  The City Boy was unable to get the morning off, so my grandparents attended the inaugural ultrasound with me.  My heart was in my throat as the tech squirted the hot goop onto my belly and started twirling the wand around.  “Remain calm”, I thought to myself.  “Don’t get excited.”  Suddenly, I saw a little blob on the screen.  “Could it be? … Could it be?  YESS!!  It is!!  A little person!!”  I watched as the tech tried to get several measurements and each time the estimated gestational age reading at the bottom of the monitor stated 8 weeks and some odd days.  At first I thought nothing of it, but then I started thinking … maybe the baby is dead, and it hasn’t grown since I was 8 weeks along.  Maybe I’m looking at the corpse of my little baby and my body hasn’t started the whole elimination sequence yet.  This morbid line of thinking continued for several more minutes, as I just watched the different views of the little body.

Suddenly, my brain returned to normal and I remembered to ask about the heartbeat.  Suddenly, the tech hit some MAGICAL button which released this BOOMING heart beat into the room.  And then, on the bottom of the monitor I could see the heart beat being charted across the screen.  180 beats per minute!  That’s my kid alright!  Stellar cardiovascular health, of course!

So, that was the fun part of the appointment.  Baby is alive, baby is thriving, baby is the cutest thing ever!   See how photogenic?!? 

Then, it was into the examination room to meet with the doctor about a little thing called high grade cervical dysplasia.  As I have discussed here, I was diagnosed with this vile condition on Christmas of 2008, and have since then been seeing a gynecological oncologist.  Her mentality regarding my state is to continue monitoring the dysplasia via regular pap smears, colposcopies and biopsies (when necessary) to make sure the cells are not spreading or morphing into invasive cancer cells.  According to her (and she has many years of research to back this up) many women’s bodies, if allowed the time to do so, will fight the damaged cells and sometimes reverse completely without the need for invasive procedures.  Therefore, she has taken the “let’s keep an eye on it” mode of operation.

Well, my ob/gyn has a difference approach.  He wants to perform a LEEP procedure like, YESTERDAY!  He immediately began telling me that his job is to treat ME, and the pregnancy SECOND.  “What good is having a baby if you die of cancer and can’t take care of it? Blah Blah Blah.”  I asked why we couldn’t just wait until AFTER the baby is born to go through with a LEEP and he gave me a bunch of crap about the cells progressing into cancer by then.  Ah, the beauty of having SEVERE dysplasia versus just “run of the mill” dysplasia.  So, if we perform the LEEP now, we run the risk of miscarriage.  If we perform the LEEP at 20 or so weeks, we run the risk of pre-term labor, and in either case we have the probability of incompetent cervix.

We debated for a few minutes on the topic.  I understand his point of view … it’s better to have a miscarriage now than to lose the ability to EVER have children, and perhaps risk my life (even though that seems highly doubtful to me) but we’re not talking about a POTENTIAL baby.  We’re talking about one that already has a heartbeat of 180 bpm.  So, I told him I’d like another opinion.  With that, he called another oncologist and forwarded my records to him to have a look-see.

So, on Friday of this week I have a follow-up with my previous gynecological oncologist for a colposcopy and biopsy.  Even though I think she has a tendency to be too laxed on the issue, I trust her most at this point because she knows my case history, and can probably gauge my cell progression with most accuracy.

In the meantime, I will relish on the fact that I have a healthy baby that seems to be doing just fine where he/she is.  And until I receive adequate enough reason, that is where she will stay, with no threat of messing with her cozy little environment.  HOWEVER, if you know of anyone who HAS gotten a LEEP procedure during pregnancy, please let me know how it turned out.  Miscarriage?  Pre-term delivery?  Healthy baby?