What do you feed a ravenous bear in your kitchen? Whatever it wants!

FREAK OUT MODE!  Are you aware that we are now down to 39 days before we’re going to get married?!?  Thirty-nine days to go … that’s IT!  Hallelujah!  It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a little applied pressure.  Since February 12th (merely 18 days ago) I have survived the following:

  • Settled on a location for the reception
  • Changed mind twice, but finally decided on a location for the ceremony
  • Finalized the guest lists
  • Made (as in DIY, Baby) invitations and mailed them out
  • Arranged for a block of hotel rooms to be reserved for traveling family & friends
  • Decided upon a reverend
  • Booked the photographer (as in: harassed my very patient photographer into changing not only our wedding date – twice, but the time and place, and arranged for a smaller package)
  • OK’ed the purchase of my sister’s bridesmaid dress – she got it for a STEAL at a bridal boutique clearance sale ($20, OMG!)
  • Decided upon a menu
  • Registered at Target (it’s easiest for everyone)
  • Started playing around with a center piece idea that is still in the first stages of planning
  • Began working on a playlist that is sure to be enjoyable by BOTH sides of the families (working with generational as well as genre and racial differences.  A lesser woman may crumble under this pressure, but not I because?  Because?  Well, mainly because I like all kinds of music, as does most of my family, so we’re good to go and it really isn’t as big a challenge as I originally anticipated.)
  • Took my dress in to be altered because my retarded self gained 10 pounds PRIOR to becoming pregnant.  Tsk, Tsk.  A second fitting is scheduled for 2 weeks from now … hopefully we’ll be all set then.

Just now, as I wrote out my list of accomplishments, I began feeling pretty good about myself.  Very proud, actually.  I mean, not only did I get more accomplished in 18 days than in the past 12 MONTHS of wedding planning, but I did it while suffering from pretty intense hormone-induced craziness and nausea.  But, just as I began the internal celebrating, I remembered all that I still have to accomplish:

  • Buy ties for the boys’ suits
  • Finalize vows (we’re going to write our own)
  • Rent tablecloths for the tables
  • Determine layout of reception/ceremony
  • Confirm photographer will shoot us at Krohn’s Conservatory prior to the wedding
  • Finalize centerpieces and decorations
  • Decide on flowers
  • Purchase wedding bands
  • Arrange travel to and from Cincinnati for the nuptials (I would rather drive so we can bring our gifts home with us)
  • Call the usual dog sitter to keep our baby Pieter while we’re away
  • Call the Kenton County Clerk of Court to determine the marriage license process.  I believe there’s a 3-day waiting period, but need to find out for sure
  • Buy shoes
  • Finalize play list
  • Decide what to do with my mop.  (NOTE: While prenatal vitamins do make your hair grow faster and shinier, the pregnancy hormones have STRIPPED my hair of its usual life and fullness.  It just hangs there looking gross)
  • Decide on make-up.  This would normally not even cross my mind until the morning of the wedding, but again – hormones – have left my face looking like a teenager’s … dark purple under-the-skin blemishes.  Blecht.

I’m sure there’s more, but I’m beginning to get sick thinking about all that has to be accomplished in 39 days. 

***

In a pregnancy related note … I started Week 7 yesterday.  This past week has been so nauseating, and not only does my body not tolerate the hormones as well as I had hoped, neither does my usually easy-going personality.  I’m afraid I’ve turned into somewhat of a bitch where the City Boy is concerned.  For some reason, it’s like everything he does makes me feel sick.  When he talks, when he eats, when he moves.  Don’t get me wrong, I WANT him around.  I miss him when he’s at work, or the gym, or in the bathroom … but you wouldn’t know it to see me when he IS around.  I feel so guilty about it. 

Last night I had a dream that he left me … 3 days before the wedding … at our rehearsal dinner.  He took off with a blonde chick, and he apparently felt no remorse for abandoning me and the baby.  He was tired of my antics and didn’t care who knew it.  Sigh. 

I justify my poor behavior because I do at least ACKNOWLEDGE that I’m not being very nice.  I apologize to him almost daily, and he has been GREAT at being patient and understanding.   I bought him a pregnancy book for Fathers-To-Be, and he’s been so cute about reading it and telling me all the little facts he is learning (for example, did you know that the cervix dilates to 10 centimeters during labor?  I know!  What a shocker!!)

What is really stupid about my behavior is that when there is no one physically around to complain to, I usually resort to whining on Facebook, and the women who have already gone through this are incredibly supportive.  Everyone tells me what worked for them to alleviate the nausea … lemonade, Sour Patch Kids candy, peppermint, apples, hot baths, etc.  I’ve tried some of them, but they don’t do anything, and some even make it worse (see: lemonade & Sour Patch Kids).  What I’ve found works the best is Campbell’s Select Harvest soup.  Any flavor.  One bowl of soup and I’m comfortable for about an hour, which is awesome!

Today, I’m experiencing something strange and worrisome though … no nausea and no cramping.  The boob pain is still kicking strong, but I’m all quiet on the abdominal front.  I mean … here it is after 1 in the afternoon, and I’ve been feeling fine all day … that just can’t be right, can it?

I’ve texted with my best friend who works in Labor & Delivery and she says as long as there is no spotting, no bleeding & my boobs still hurt that I’m probably fine.  Just to keep an eye on it for the next day or so.  So, that’s what I’m doing.  I can’t believe I’ve got an entire month to go before I am technically in the clear from miscarriage worries.

The thought of losing this baby now seems so unfair.  A miscarriage in the first two to three weeks?  Sure, that seems more plausible.  But now?  When she’s got her little arm buds and heart chambers forming?  Just when she’s doing so well, and about to form little eyeball sockets?  No fair!  So, we’ll just keep thinking positive thoughts and visualizing our healthy little baby coming to join us in just over 7 months.  I guess that’s all we can do anyway, right?

I’m sorry, but no matter how much I talk about it I just can’t really wrap my brain around the fact that we’ve only got 7 more months of being two people who can do whatever we want.  I can day dream about what I think our life will be like this time next year, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to guess what reality we’ll be faced with.  Plus, living nearly 1,000 miles away from family makes the imagining just THAT much harder.  What will our daily life look like? Drawing a blank here … I can’t even speculate.

Does anyone else have that problem?  It seems that BEFORE I got pregnant, we used to talk all the time about what we think our children will look like.  What their personality will be.  What our life will be like.  But, now that this life is technically already HERE, we just can’t see it yet, I think it’s a bit WRONG to put our expectations on it.  I mean, what if we spend the entire pregnancy picturing our child to look like THIS, and then when it’s not what we expect will we be disappointed?  I don’t know … I just think it’s disrespectful at this point to put our expectations out into the world about a person who already exists.  I just want the baby to be HIMSELF or HERSELF … whatever that may be.  I don’t want to start my parental life by already not accepting my child.

Jeez, could I sound ANY MORE HIPPI-ISH?  Hormones.  Blame it all on the hormones.

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