On New Motherhood

Tell me: is it normal for new mothers to feel absolutely overwhelmed with the tasks they have to complete?  Ridden with guilt for all that they are failing to do?

I know that all “true Mothers” who read this will want to slap me across the face, but our pup is 4 months old and is very demanding on the attention.  I’m constantly yelling, “Lexi, DOWN!” “Lexi, no!” “Lexi, get off the couch!” “Lexi, don’t eat those shoes!” “Lexi, take Pieter’s head out of your mouth!”  Couple this with the fact that the City Boy is not here in the evenings to pitch in, I feel like I’m a single mom, chained to the kitchen/living room areas of the house.  I have these things that I’m committing myself to do each night, but the list … it goes un-checked.  And my patience … it becomes more and more diminished.  And my sanity? … I don’t know where it went. 

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I’ve found myself crying more about this damn puppy and the feelings of failure I’m experiencing than I care to admit.  I stayed home from the office yesterday and when the City Boy was leaving for work, he asked me for the smallest favor – that I would print a document for him that evening.  My response?  Tears!  I wanted to say, “Of course Hon!  I’ll be glad to do that small little favor for you”, but I KNEW that I wouldn’t be able to deliver the goods.  And for that, I was so angry and ashamed at myself.  He told me I was being too hard on myself.

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How is it possible that I’m exhibiting symptoms of post partum depression with a stinkin’ puppy?!?  What the hell is wrong with me? 

So, here it is, Friday night.  Chained to the kitchen – NOT completing my list of To-Do’s and trying to watch Law & Order while chasing the puppy away from the vacuum cleaner cord, the TV remote, Pieter, the couch. 

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Come on City Boy!!  Come home soon.  Your presence is absolutely NEEDED!!

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2 Responses to On New Motherhood

  1. Awww! Look at that face!

    I know it’s the last thing you want to hear right now, but hang in there and try to have patience and love in your heart. Puppies (kids) don’t know what to do in the world and rely on us to show them with compassion. Dogs always want to make you happy – always. They just don’t come to you preprogrammed. It’s a hard few months, but the more you bond with him and get on the floor and play and come down on his level and the more affection and love you give him things can’t not work out. There are a few really good books on training and bonding I an recommend if you’re interested. Just don’t give up. He hasn’t had his chance to prove to you that you’re the center of his world.

    If you ever need to talk, let me know.

    • Em says:

      Oh, Stacy. I wish I had you in my ear at times when I’m ready to snap. You are absolutely right about all of this, and now that I’m calm & rational & having read you words of wisdom I feel like such an idiot for my emotional outburst. I just have to remember that she doesn’t yet know what it is that we want. Genius!!

      Honestly, things have gotten better since Friday. We are having our first house guest tonight, so I’m VERY excited (and a little nervous) about her reaction. Should be interesting, but am hoping for a major success!!

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