I Know Why The Caged Dog Poops

I didn’t go to work on Thursday or Friday.  I spent the largest portion of yesterday in bed, and I wouldn’t have come into the office today either if it weren’t for the fact my only other option would be to spend the entire day at home with the dogs.  It’s amazing to me that my aversion to them right now is that strong.  And, actually, let’s be fair.  It isn’t really the dogs (plural) that I want to hide away from.  It’s from the puppy.  Uno.  Singular.  It is she that drives me crazy and tests my patience (I fail every time).  It isn’t that she’s a perpetual terror.  She really isn’t.  She’s just so very trying and manipulative.  Diabolical, even.

Last Sunday started off as a great day.  It was the first Sunday of football and the City Boy and I were all geared up to watch a few games together.  I was sprawled out on the couch, with Lexi at my feet on the farthest cushion and Pieter was curled up next to my belly.  It was so comfortable!  A few times I sighed a sigh of contentment.  “Look Honey!”  I said to the City Boy.  “Isn’t it great that these two are laying on the couch together and no one is getting chewed on?”

Not too much later, I was playing tug of war with the dogs.  Then it was a game of chase, around and around the couch in the living room.  Lexi stole a chew toy from my hand, ran and jumped up on the couch cushion to get away from Pieter who was close on her heels.  I smiled and started in her direction to pull the chew toy out of her mouth.  It was at this very moment that time stood still.

I could see the laughter glinting in her eyes.  As if she were saying to Pieter, “Na Na Na Na Boo Boo!  You can’t get me or this slobbered on squirrel toy in my mouth!  HA!”

But, then suddenly.  I saw a light bulb go off over her head.  She suddenly squatted and pee’ed ALL OVER MY COUCH CUSHION!!!


I threw her outside and immediately tried to catch the run off from the couch.  Luckily, she only hit one cushion.  Also, double-luckily, my couch has Teflon micro-suede to counter the efforts of pissing animals trying to destruct my home. So, the cushion got a good spraying and thorough cleansing on Sunday.  Followed by drying in the sun and a dousing of Febreze.  You can’t tell anything ever happened.

Three days later, I was at work.  The City Boy was at home, getting ready to head to work.  I suddenly received a text message stating that she had pee’ed on the ottoman.  He was asking for instructions on cleaning it.

Once again, she tried to destruct but our quick reflexes and super sturdy upholstery were too strong and fast for her to beat us.  Instead, the City Boy did the best he could cleaning it (I followed up that night with a thorough scrubbing), let it dry for a day then took the Febreze to it.  Good as new.

However, there is a new rule in the house.  No Lexi on the furniture!  She had her one day of freedom to explore the couch territories but couldn’t handle the vast responsibility.  Therefore, she is to be banished to the floor from now on.  It was her choice and she made it loud & clear.

Fast forward again from last Wednesday to yesterday morning.  After a late night, the Lexi pup begins her usual cries to be released from her kennel around 6 am.  Groggily I sit up in bed and mumble something about hating the dog.  I reach for the bedroom door knob and once I turned the knob and stepped into the hallway, a stench so horrible and rancid smacked me upside the face.  “Oh no”, I thought. “I bet this is bad.”

Oh yes!  It was very bad.  There was poop everywhere in her kennel.  Her little kennel towel?  Was destroyed.  I refused to even wash it.  It went straight into the trash.  Twenty minutes later, the crate was clean, she was clean and all smelly remnants of her accident were now the Osceola County Waste Department’s problem. 

I don’t know about you, but starting my day cleaning up dog shit usually doesn’t set the right tone.  I was sick all day yesterday (not because of the feces, but it probably didn’t help my mood any).  I slept from 11 am to 7:30pm.  At 10pm last night I took a sleeping pill so I could continue my sleeping until this morning.  It was great!

Again, around 6:12 this morning, Lexi began her daily alarm duties.  I got up and walked into the hallway – no stench.  Sigh of relief.  Walk downstairs, already in a semi-decent mood.  Flip on the kitchen light to say hello to the puppy and …. Poop!  Again!  Another towel into the trash, another scrubbing of the crate, another morning sabotaged.   Only this time, she had finally broken me.  I cried as I cleaned up the crap.  I cried as I yelled about it to the City Boy.  I cried in the shower.  While getting dressed for work.  Before walking out the door, the City Boy told me he was going to bake me some chicken today so I would have something to eat for dinner tonight.  I cried some more.

To put it in a nutshell I’m nothing more than a crying cry-ball of a cry baby today.  I blame the dog.  When I get home tonight she is getting the longest walk of her life!!  She will be asleep and in bed by 9 o’clock, so help me God!  Why is she doing this?


2 Responses to I Know Why The Caged Dog Poops

  1. Ah, yes. I remember those days well. The good news is that a) it stops; and b) Jurgen is seriously the best dog ever and I am often complimented on his sweet behavior and he used to do this. So, it doesn’t mean they are bad dogs. He started doing this around 6 months and I couldn’t figure out why. Disrespect? General bad behavior? Was this dog the devil and could he be cured of this?? He peed on my bed once. The hell? And there were a few times I would come home only to find that he was playing paintball in his crate, only the paint was diarrhea and there were no “balls” to speak of because it was all liquid poo.

    I promise it stops and I have *never* beaten my dog. Spankings, yes. Beating no. And I only say that because some people subscribe to the theory that to train your dog you have to beat him and “show him who’s boss.” I do not like that theory and all it does is make your dog terrified of you. (My stepfather is a proponent of this and I told him upfront that I am never going to treat my dog like that. So you can imagine my pleasure when he compliments Jurgen’s behavior.

    I don’t know why they do it. I always attributed it to them being like kids and trying to show some dominance. Like, you know how kids see what they can get away with? Not that I think this is that, because I don’t know, but even so. I think it’s almost like a rite of passage. I don’t remember what I did – spankings on his behind for sure, but he stopped and never has an accident unless either he’s sick or a few years ago before I started “listening” to his cues that he has to go. Maybe use the treat system when she goes potty outside? (And I got Jurgen hooked on the idea that ice can be treats and he loves them AND he doesn’t get fat.) I guess the only recommendation I would have is to “listen” to your puppy, but keep in mind that she’s a kid. A toddler, even. Try to think ahead and anticipate and let her out often using the treat system. Show dominance without beatings. It stops, I PROMISE. And I hope you don’t think I’m being all “I know everything” because I really don’t, and I don’t mean any of this that way.

    And we had a micro-suede couch, too. This phase is terrible. Let me know if you need help or anything. 🙂

    • roundsalot says:

      Oh, thank you so much for the words of encouragement Stacy! The fact is, she is pretty much house broken. She goes to the door and let’s us know when she needs out. And sometimes we take her outside anyway, just to make sure. On all occasions, she haad JUST been outside before she came indoors to piss on my furniture! It is very frustrating. But, I’m glad you reminded me and promised (YOU PROMISED! You better be right about this!!) that it will get better.

      It is true that she is only 16 weeks old and I should be more forgiving of her. Maybe more exercise at night will make my waking hours more pleasant. Thanks for the info!

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