Coming Home to Conflict

His explanation was lame.  It was pitiful, and I saw right through it.

“I just lost control”, he said nervously, obviously scared and shaken by the pending outcome of our conversation.  “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but emotions were running high … and I was so alone.  I wish I could do things differently, but it’s too late now.”  And then he sighed and looked at me with eyes that were full of regret and remorse, and I could see that he was silently pleading with me to forgive and forget.  But was I able to?

Choking back tears, I was determined to not let him see me upset about it, despite the fact I could have easily thrown myself on the floor and sobbed tears of pain and anguish.  What was I to say?  What COULD I say?  This was a pivotal moment in my life, and I understood the weight of it.  My reaction to this situation would be replayed over and over in my mind for years to come, and I desperately didn’t want to disappoint myself in the distant future.

Gathering the courage I was trying so hard not to lose, I looked him in the eye and smiled. 

“Well, I guess we’ll definitely have to get a coffee table now.  Don’t worry about it, Hon.  It was just an accident.”

Bleach on Floor

He continued to apologize for using Clorox Clean-Up on the carpet … stating that he was moving so fast trying to clean up Pieter’s vomit that he didn’t even put two and two together that it would turn our brand new brown carpet into a light khaki.  Was I upset?  Yes, of course.  But you know what?  We’ve had a HARD year (not necessarily “man & woman” stuff, but just “life” hard).  The City Boy was only trying to help clean up a mess that the dog had made.  It was an honest mistake and the last thing I needed to do was get mad at him for making an error in judgement.

I very quickly thought back to my ex-husband and how demeaning and cruel he was.  I could visualize what this scene would have looked like had I been the one to accidently bleach the carpet in a panic to get something cleaned up.  I could see and hear the horrible things he would say to me.  I would rather die than treat someone who I love more than life that way.  So, I refused to, and I’m so glad I did.

So, looks like we’ll be getting tile floors sooner than we had planned.

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